As I walked into GNC, I was looking for something specific. I was out of town so this was not my normal store. I was greeted by a jolly “How’s it goin’?”

“Doing well,” I replied.

Not missing a beat, I went on with my search. I did make eye contact and I didn’t want to. However, in the back of my mind I knew the greeting was entirely too jolly for the salesman to let our conversation end.

He let me search for a few seconds. Then, interrupting the silence he asked, “Can I help you find something?”

My knee-jerk reaction is always a quick, “No thank you, I’m just looking.” There, I had done it. I had brushed him off like a fly on a cow’s back.

It wasn’t the truth. I wasn’t just browsing to see what was available. I was looking for something specific.

A few more seconds went by as I diligently went into “hunter-gather” mode. I rapidly scanned the shelves looking for the familiar container size, color, and design. Thank God for franchising. You can count on the franchise, from city to city, to shelve product in approximately the same place. I went to my right, stopping mid-store. There it is. “Grab it and go,” I said to myself.

Just as I reached for the item I noticed a similar formula to its left.

“I have a couple of customers that swear by that product,” he said as he moved closer.

I didn’t respond. I didn’t want his input. I knew what I wanted. “Get it and get out,” I shouted to myself.

A few steps away he started spouting a laundry list of nutritional information. He said, “I needed to this or that. I should supplement this with that.” The information formed a mountain around me.

“I’ll just get this,” I said moving toward the check out counter.

“Great, have you tried…?”

I reminded him, “No, I think this will be all.”

He continued to engage me as he rang up my two items.

“Do you have one of our Gold Member cards?”

“No, and I don’t think I want one tonight, thanks” I promptly informed him.

“You’re not from here, are you?”

“No, I’m from Cincinnati.”

“What brings you to these parts?” he inquired.

“I am writing a book, and I thought…”

He enthusiastically interrupted, “You’re writing a book? What’s it about?”

This question along with his enthusiasm slowed my exit strategies.

“It is about how we communicate space to help people connect, belong and develop community.”

With a very inquisitive look he responded, “Hey, that’s cool. Tell me more. What do you mean “communicate space.””

“People want to connect,” I proceeded to share with him. “All of us have a need to belong. Belonging happens in four spaces: Public, Social, Personal and Intimate. When we recognize that people have different spaces they want to connect with us in we can match our communication tools to the context and help them feel safe and comfortable. When we speak a spatially foreign vocabulary they have a sense of unease and anxiety.”

“Wow, that’s real cool. But, how does all this relate to someone like me,” he wisely asked.

“Well, you asked me if I wanted a membership card, right? Do you know why I didn’t want the card to get the discount?”

“No, but there are several people who say, “No” and they come in here all the time. They could really save a lot of cash. It’s a good deal,” he rambled.

“I didn’t want the card because I didn’t want to be that close to you. I didn’t want you to send me mail. I didn’t want you to have all my personal information in your data base. It is simply too close,” I informed him.

“I can see that. You really fought me as I was trying to help you. I was getting too close, wasn’t I?”

“Yes. You see people come here to buy personal items and sometimes intimate items. People come to find help with their weight. Others come because of an illness or the fear of illness.”

“And some come for help with their sex life,” he interrupted again.

“That’s right. You are not a grocery store or a department store. You sell personal and intimate product, much like Victoria Secret. People are cold to you when you invade personal and intimate space with a public or social sales model.”

“So, how do I develop a sales model that helps them feel comfortable,” he asked.

“I’m not sure but, I think that most people like to open their own doors to let people walk into personal and intimate space. Maybe the model looks like a gentle knock to let people know you are here if they need you and then step back and let them open the door.”

“Yes, that’s it. Like with you, I invaded your space, which was not good, however, I finally knocked in a way that you opened up. It’s all about giving people the space to decide how they want to belong to this store and product. Wow, that’s cool, a selling space,” he replied.

As we help people with their lives, we could allow them to live in the spaces they choose. We could encourage them to belong in the space that is comfortable for them at the time. We could treat them as a significant part of the “family.” We could stop forcing people into a space that is closer than they want to be. Forced belonging is called assault. “Family” is an open and free space, not closed and controlled.

Be at peace, even if you are selling the most intimate product, others will find it in their own space. Gently knock and wait for them to invite you to the space they choose